A couple of weeks ago I was seriously getting my head down with my Secret-Project-X-Doesn’t-Even-Have-A-Proper-Codename-Yet book and, I'm not going to lie, it felt great.
I was trying my best to follow my own advice about setting goals then sitting and actually just DOING IT. Low and behold, research was starting to flow and words, sometimes seemingly miraculously, were appearing on the once daunting blank word doc page.
Y'all it was SO happening.
There may have even been a couple of little chair-bound butt wiggling happy dances at the discovery of my own productivity.
Flashback to a few weeks prior and me being a diligant researcher, scowling the Amazon book store for anything similar to what I was writing . There were a couple of related books sure but still leaps and bounds away from my project (level 10 validation amiright?).
Coming from a marketing background this felt crucial to me. It's alright seeing this as a project of the heart but I would, ideally, like to make a completed product out of this journey, whether anyone reads it or not!
Is there any point putting a product on the shelves when there's a 100 like it already? Finding your niche is what gives you direction and what gives your final product actually...well...a chance at success.
You're waiting for the twist right? Yeh I was too. It did come of course, unfortunately after hours and hours of research and planning for my book.
On a whim (or a cosmic alligning of the stars which guided me there) I decided to check again...y'know just for lols.
THERE WERE NO LOLS TO BE HAD.
My book has been written before. ALOT.
I'm not sure how I had missed it last time. Maybe as simple as a miss-type in my search query or I was just searching in denial through tinted glasses.
Either way, level 10 validation bubble was official popped.
"Well, that's it. Idea scrapped. I'VE GOT NOTHING!"
Que the insomnia. What am I going to do now? A 5 year idea wasted! I'm so embarressed I even told people about it. Of course it's such an obvious idea really. Who am I to have anything original or interesting to add? Maybe this was all just a silly ego idea anyway. Maybe I should close down the blog since this obviously isn't going anywhere. I'm such a fool.
Funny how the stars can re-align themselves again though.
A few days later (I think. Time is a little fuzzy when sleep is more theory than reality) within all the recent depressing noise on Twitter I stumbled across this article:
Have you ever read something that made you feel like you were getting a big fat hug?
"I’d teach my younger self to stare off into space more often. I would tell her to waste more paper. I would tell her she doesn’t need to stick to a decision; she can change her mind."
I'm trying really hard to tell myself that this isn't about trying to share the most original thoughts...or about finding a really niche topic that will be a sure-seller. It's about writing what you wish you could find in book stores yourself (there we go, back to the heart project again).
Maybe I still have a voice that fits in to the plethora of other people talking about it. Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe...and most likely...I won't know until further down the road.
So for now, I'm just going to keep doing what I do. Keep those words going and keep the cogs turning. Be patient, and keep a keen eye open, for when the paragraphs take a shape in a way that sings the most.
Be brave enough to keep telling people your ideas, even when nothing is set in stone...especially when nothing is set in stone.
Be brave enough to change your mind.
You are not committed to any specific project, except in seeking to do more of what you love in a way that best serves your values.